Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
