i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
