We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
