He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
