I am full of burrito and curiosity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
