community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
