tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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