I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
