I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
