i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
