There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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