He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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