Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
