There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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