Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
