There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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