Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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