I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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