Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Are we still banned from the library?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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