Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
