It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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