I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
