My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Two words: blizzard sex
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
