okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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