M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
