i think i have herpe
just one?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
love makes seman taste better
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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