It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
