She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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