You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
