I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
