i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
