i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
