The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
