So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
