So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
