I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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