Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
