I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
