I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
