I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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