Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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