I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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