doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
