Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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