I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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