Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.

Fav 8 1746 6266
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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

Fav 54 4004 2943
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on

Fav 20 6614 1422
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(678): View more from Georgia

He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

Fav 20 5031 1395
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(260): View more from Indiana

Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

Fav 5 2626 1044
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(705): View more from Ontario

He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.

Fav 9 3436 765
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(714): View more from California

I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina

Fav 3 1336 583
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?

Fav 1 172 11
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(419): View more from Ohio

Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned

Fav 1 37 16
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