Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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