I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize