I just made out with a guy for $7.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize