I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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