do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
