"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
