Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
