dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize