I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
