Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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