Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
