Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize