Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
