are you still at the devil's house?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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