Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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