Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you never un-have a 4some
I pour the whiskey from now on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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