it hurts more in the daytime
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
