I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
