i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
