You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You took a bar mat shot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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