There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
