He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
