My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
