i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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