Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
