she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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