I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i will never coherently bang her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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