We're like a lot better than the average bears
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
