One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
