What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize