she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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